Category : DeAnnas Dating Blog

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The 411 on the Worldwide Epidemic of “Commitment-Phobes!”

pulling-hair-outDoes anyone want to commit these days?!

Have you felt like this woman in the picture before, after another prospect that you were excited about suddenly went MIA or fizzled out? I don’t know about you, but I’ve been finding in the last few years that the men (and women) these days have just been becoming more and more non-committal.

I thought at first that it was just an issue that was specific to San Diego (where I’m from), being that it is a huge tourist spot and melting pot of men and women who move there and find themselves on a constant “vacation mentality” mode of partying and casual hooking up.

But after working with more and more clients from different parts of the United States, the UK, Europe, Dubai and the U.A.E., and through much of my own traveling and dating experiences with men, I’ve realized that this is really a world-wide epidemic! I call it the “Commitment-phobic epidemic.” And it seems to be spreading exponentially among single men and women, everywhere.

And there’s another, related epidemic I’ve become aware of, which I call “The Grass is Greener Syndrome;” something I feel is largely the culprit for the Commitment Phobic epidemic. Basically, the fact that our society has become overwhelmed with “options” of people to date and be in relationships with.

Because of new technologies and the Internet, Online dating sites, Matchmaking and dating agencies, Facebook, etc., we have sooo may options now of potential partners, and the prospect of having just casual sex or hookups is right at our fingertips, and new options are constantly refreshing themselves as quickly as we can refresh our Internet browser.

It’s not longer good enough to just happen to meet a wonderful, kind person, who has great qualities, would make a suitable wife or husband, and who we are attracted to. Like how our parents and grand-parents did it back in the day. Now we meet a person like that and people think, “Wow they’re great! BUT… I wonder if I can find better out there… Hmmm, Let me go look and see what else is out there!”

It’s so messed up how we’ve become. And women, sadly, are really just as guilty of it as men are.

I’ve never in my life encountered so many little “relationships” that are short-lived, last a few weeks or a month or two, everything seems to be going great, and then it just fizzles out because someone loses interest or doesn’t end up wanting to commit to a “serious relationship.”

It is very frustrating to keep going through that over and over. And it can make even the most optimistic and hopeless romantic person start losing faith in true love. Even professional “dating experts” and Matchmakers are not safe from this epidemic. Myself included.

Peoples, it’s time to step up and commit! Do you really want to be a Playboy Bachelor or Bachelorette your whole life, dating hundreds of people or having countless hookups and nothing to show for it by the time you’re 80? No one person to actually share your life with, to experience real intimacy and depth with, and to create amazing memories and experiences with?

sex-and-the-city-post-it-noteDoesn’t dating and hooking up, hanging out at the bars or online dating sites all day trolling for women or men get boring after a while? It sure does for me.

Yes it is a risk to commit to someone, but you’re never going to know if that person is going to work out 100% because you have no crystal ball. But if you want the reward of true, lasting love and intimacy with a special person, isn’t it worth the “risk?”

If you keep trying to search for 100% perfection in a partner, all you’re going to get is 100% disappointment and loneliness. Because there is no perfect person. And you are not perfect either!

To illustrate this further, I have some incredible, high-quality, commitment-ready men who’ve hired me as their Matchmaker to help them find their future wife, and many of these men are over 40 years old with realistic criteria for their prospects, especially in terms of the woman’s age and looks. But sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to try to get a woman to just go out on a simple date with one of these great guys! And some of these woman are in their mid-40s, some of them never even married, and they are questioning me to death about “Is he good looking? Is he in good shape? Does he have a belly? (God forbid a man over 45 does not have a perfect 6-pack!)” And I’m thinking, REALLY?? You’re over 40, still single and never been married, and you’re going to be that picky over a man’s looks or other petty qualities and have me put so much effort trying to convince you just to go on a simple introduction??” It’s sheer madness!

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news to you ladies but when you’re past your late 30s and still unmarried, you’re no spring chicken anymore and you’re options are much slimmer than they are when you were in your prime 20s. You should be ecstatic that a quality man might be interested in you and you should happily give these men a chance!

And then many of these women will often have me practically chase them down to try to get them to fit the date into their crazy busy schedule, sometimes putting it off for weeks because they are “too busy with work” or what not. REALLY?? You’re so busy with work and life that you can’t even fit a damn 1-hour coffee date a man who could potentially be your Soulmate into your schedule?? If thats the case then no wonder why you’re still single! If you want to be married, you’ve got to make some room in your schedule for dating and a relationship or you’re future will be the 60-year-old spinster cat-lady.

You SAY you want to be married, you say you want to find love, but your actions are totally out of alignment with someone who’s truly committed to finding their Soulmate. These woman are unknowingly pushing love away and single-handedly sabotaging themselves.

You really do have to commit to the process of finding love and make it a priority if you want to be in your dream relationship. And you really have to commit to someone in order to experience their true selves anyway, and all their sides and colors. Their goods and their bads, and all their layers. And you won’t get that before you commit to them because they’re going to be on their best behavior and not fully be themselves.

Having one foot in and one foot out is only going to get you mediocre knowledge about a person and about your potential for a relationship.

I’m tired of short-lived relationships that fizzle out. Are you??

Cheers,
DeAnna 🙂

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

How Oxytocin is Affecting your Relationships with Men! (New VIDEO & Blog)

Hey My Sexy Ladies! Check out my new Video and Blog post for this week, about “How Oxytocin Affects your Relationships with Men!” There’s some very valuable nuggets of information here that ALL women should hear about the powerful chemical called Oxytocin that gets released in women when we have sex, and what effects it has on the man that we’re dating (or, sleeping with Lol) and in the way we act towards him. And, how it can cause us to choose the wrong men and prevent us from finding real love! Watch my short video below.

Having you been guilty of falling under the spell of Oxytocin in your relationships? Hmmm…

Feel free to share your comments, and if you’re interested in signing up for or learning more about my Women’s Date Coaching programs or the upcoming Weekend dating ‘Bootcamps’ designed to help you attract your Dream Man fast and eliminate all that’s been standing in the way of you finding him, sign up for a free call and you and I can discuss & make a game-plan!

Love you, stay smart & sexy!

Your Friend & Partner in Dating Success,

DeAnna

Deanna@DeannaLorraine.com

DeAnna Lorraine is a San Diego Dating Coach and dating expert 

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

Get your Dating & Love Questions Answered Tonite @ 8p on my Ustream Show!

Hey Folks! I just wanted to remind you that my new online TV talk show, “LIVE with The Love Dr.!” is TONIGHT at 8pm-9pm PST! I broadcast every Wednesday night live on Ustream & Facebook, so bookmark my Ustream show page here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/askthelovedoctor And join me every Wednesday night so I can talk & interact with you! My show is a live call-in show, similar to the Loveline or Dr. Laura format and it’s a great opportunity for you to call in or “type” in (via the Ustream “chat”) in with any dating or relationship-related questions you have that you’d like me to answer for you, or a dilemma that you’re going through that you’d like me to problem-solve for you!

(You can remain anonymous, & you don’t have to have a Ustream account to ask questions or join the discussions with me but simply go to my Ustream show page and type in the Chat box). And The Call-in # is: 1(866) 922-1188

Whether you’re totally single, you’re dating, or you’re in a relationship or married, you will always have problems or challenges that come up that you need advice on – so bring those questions to my show on Wednesday nights and I’ll be happy to give you my expert advice so you can go to bed with answers. 

Aside from the brutally straightforward dating and relationship advice that you’ll get to hear, I also have special Guests on the show, ranging from famous Authors to interesting dating, relationship and sex experts, celebrities and other unique guests on all different topics that we have stimulating discussions over. 

So if you want to interact with me live and get free coaching on everything from approaching strategies to attraction-building techniques, dating and relationship skills, to health, marriage, sex and fetishes, come and join me live every Wednesday night from 8pm-9pm PST, have a drink while you watch and let’s talk! 

“See” you tonight!

Love, DeAnna xo

Free desktop streaming application by Ustream

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The #1 Dating Mistake the Smartest Women Make!

Hey Girl! My blog post & video this week is especially written for my fellow fierce and powerful ‘Work-a-holic’ sisters… Watch my accompanying video here on this here where I go into this more at length:

Are you committing this deadly dating sin that is sabotaging your ability to find your future husband? This is a trap that I see so many women fall into that I just had to talk to you frankly about it.

Workaholism is really a hidden form of procrastinating dating. You keep yourself so busy going after your career goals that you pretty much shut out dating & finding a relationship.

You SAY you want a relationship or marriage…. But you MAKE and keep yourself so darn busy that you don’t have any room in your life for even dating or finding a relationship! Or maybe you’re the kind that says, “I want a Relationship or marriage.. SOMEDAY… But I’ll be ready as soon as  I accomplish … THIS first…”

(Fill in the blank with whatever new arbitrary milestone you’ve set for yourself)

“As soon as I… Become Partner… Break into the triple digits… Get my business thriving… etc.”

But then, years will quickly pass when you do this, and many great available men will slip by you.. And by the time you finally wake up and tell the world, “Ok, NOW I’m ready to start dating! Come get ’em, hot men!”

You may be past your prime and you’ll be unpleasantly surprised that all the great men that you thought would suddenly be knocking at your door for you now that you’re ready, are actually not.

The pool of good available men for you will actually slim down pretty significantly as you increase in your 30s, and a lot of guys are already married or taken.  Or I hate to say it, but many of them will be looking for younger women… as annoying as that fact is.

The older you get as a woman, the more challenging it gets to date and find The One.  

Don’t fall into the trap I commonly see of thinking that you can’t have both – a thriving career AND a thriving love life… You can have it ALL! You are amazingly powerful. You’ve just got to start making love a priority.. And start NOW. You must start carving out some time during your week for “me” time – your time to focus on your well-being, and especially, on meeting me, dating, and finding your future Husband.

So go get your cute ambitious butts out there ladies, and let me be your partner in empowering you to do that if you need some help! I always set my Workaholic women clients straight ; )

With Love, DeAnna

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