Hello my Friends!
So continuing on with my previous post about sharing more with the public about my own personal life & “relationship status,” now I’ve been getting the inevitable “SO, what is it??” replies. Uh oh, now I have to actually spill the details!
So I’ll start by catching you up to speed with what’s going on now with me now – the abridged version. I’ll expand on the details in future posts. So… who’s in the “Pipeline” for me right now (as I like to call it with my clients)? Well… I have fairly recently started dating a man who I consider to be… pretty special. He’s quite different from anyone I’ve ever dated though… But I’m thinking that’s actually a GOOD thing. Obviously the guys I’ve dated in the past haven’t ultimately worked for me otherwise I’d be married already, right? Well let me back up for a minute first…
About a year and a half ago was when I decided I was really “ready” to find my true love and have a serious relationship that led to marriage. In the few years before that I was always very focused on my career, building my business, changing the world and helping my clients and friends find love that it kept me really busy and I just didn’t have the energy or availability to make finding “The One” my top priority. I did date a lot still, had a lot of fun and had several semi-serious relationships (that’s for another post), but none of them turned out to be men I truly saw as my “Soulmate.”
Plus, I always just knew that once I really started making finding my ideal man my focus, I would most likely attract him pretty darn fast because when I put my intention on something, I usually get it and I’m very quick to manifest it. So I wanted to make sure I was REALLY ready for that guy and I was in a place in my life and career for me to experience that kind of crazy delicious love.
So in the beginning of 2011, I broke it off with the last guy I had been dating for a while when I realized we just weren’t a good match for the long-run and I was not going to waste any more time in the wrong relationships. I opened my doors with a fresh start and fresh heart, re-wrote my “Dream Man” list (very loong), turned my “love light” on and optimistically set out on my way to start attracting my truly ideal man.
I’m sure I’ll discuss the longer version in future posts, but in sum – First I had a streak of bad dates that were either just downright boring, lame or incompatible. And just like everyone does, I also had a few dates with guys who I DID like and wanted to get to know better, but they apparently weren’t interested in ME. Yeah, that even happens sometimes to a skilled dating coach much to my clients’ disbelief, but oh well I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea that’s for sure, so I brush myself off and don’t let that get to me too much!
Then after a streak of misses and decent but just not-quite-their guys, at the very end of last year, I finally met a few great, quality guys who I considered to be highly “viable” prospects and who met many of the items on my Ideal Man “checklist.” And of course as it usually happens, I met them all right at about the same time! Hey, when it rains it pours.
One guy, who we’ll just call “The Laywer,” and another guy who I’ll call “The Business Man.” The Laywer was, obviously, an attorney, the youngest of the bunch and closest to my age. He had similar values to me and a similar upbringing, a close Catholic family like mine, very tall, smart and funny, clean-cut all-american white guy originally from the Midwest. He was definitely a viable prospect.
The Business Man was also a nice, very sharp, successful and well-educated man in his upper 30s who was a mix of European and Middle-Eastern, and very well-dressed and cultured. He was outgoing, cocky, and pretty slick (my mother saw his pictures and thought he looked a little “too” slick and cocky). I wasn’t quite sure we had the same values or relationship goals yet, but I liked him enough to keep dating him to find out.
I definitely liked these two and felt a connection with them and we had a lot in common, but I wasn’t quite blown away from the chemistry yet. But, I was dating them while keeping the options still open…
Then, along came this other guy, who I’ll call The Brazilian for now, who unexpectedly seemed to just enchant me from the start… On paper, he wasn’t so obviously my “type” of guy. He was very tall, dark and handsome but pretty rugged and exotic looking. He dressed well, but not flashy. He was confident but subtle, unlike the very cocky guys that I usually tended to date. The other guys and guys who are ordinarily my type were usually loud and outgoing and talkative… This guy was actually kind of quiet, and I had to do a lot of the talking at first. Plus there was some funny miscommunications at first due to the fact that he moved to the US only 15 years ago and English wasn’t his first language. “Hmmm I don’t know how well this is going to work,” I thought.
But the weird thing was that his energy was very positive, warm and comfortable around me right from the start, like we had already known eachother for a long time. When he first laid eyes on my he immediately grabbed my hand and spun me around, checked me out and complimented me something like “Wow, I’m in heaven!” with a big smile, then grabbed my hand comffortably as we walked over to the restauraunt. And although he was the least like my usual type, and the quietest of the other prospects at first, I felt the most comfortable with him right off the bat and the first date lasted the longest out of any of the others, as we continued our date till nearly 3am.
And even though he came across as more subtle and “nicer” than the other guys, we moved the fastest physically and we were kissing well before the other ones (in the middle of the 1st date… Whoops!) Maybe it was his sensuality or his sexy Latin accent, or just a meeting of the minds, but he was doing something right and I was intrigued! My intuition told me to stick around and get to know this one more…
We had one of those first dates that really left me with butterflies and had me thinking about him for the days afterward. I normally have a lot of self-control with the men I date, and stick to my rules about only seeing a guy once a week at first, or at the very least wait a bit of time before you see him again. But I didn’t want to wait that long to see him again and neither did he, and we were out on our 2nd date two days later. And then I broke yet another rule of mine – I never let a man come “up to my place” before at least 3 dates in because I don’t want to send the wrong message or get too “cozy” with him too fast – and yet again I found myself inviting him up for a glass of wine before we went out and then (gasp!) for a little “nightcap” afterward. We went to a low-key dinner and dancing at a dive bar close by, and then he came over and we just talked for a few hours. And the weirdest thing is that I didn’t feel the slightest bit uncomfortable at any point, it just felt totally natural and comfortable with him; I had no weirdness about him coming up and I never overanalyzed or second-guessed anything. And on top of that the hours we spent together flew by like minutes.
And two days later we were seeing eachother again on our 3rd date in less than a week – totally out of my normal bounds! And what else was interesting was that these other guys that I was going on dates with were very high-quality gentleman who’s qualities on “paper” were very obvious, whereas this Brazilian was more subtle and humble, and his positive qualities were more like a slower unfolding. With those other guys, I did enjoy myself on the dates with them, but it was one of those feelings where at the end of the night, I was ready to part ways and go home to my own bed and see them again in a week or so. And I felt like although they were articulate and outgoing (and spoke my same native language) and the conversations were great, something about the connections seemed kind of forced and just not quite there, whereas with this Brazilian guy the connection felt totally comfortable and natural, we got lost in our conversations and no matter how many hours we spent together I still wasn’t quite ready to leave him yet.
We had/have what I call a “Close-down-the-Bar-Connection” – where almost every restauraunt, bar or venue we go to, we are the very last ones there and they are literally kicking us out without us even realizing it because we’re so lost in the moment.
There is something very real and authentic about this guy too, which is incredibly refreshing especially compared to most guys out there. He’s smart, strong, confident and successful and an entrepreneur/business owner like myself. But he’s also an Engineer – very NOT like myself and unlike most guys I typically date, which presents some interesting differences. He’s very warm and fun-loving, adventurous, passionate, enthusiastic and loves life like me. He’s also very athletic and an awesome dancer, and loves listening to music and dancing all night long – I can barely keep up with him!
And while he’s extremely masculine, he’s very self-expressive, and expresses himself in a way that I’ve never seen a man do; he tells me how he feels without holding back, communicates everything that’s on his mind, and he speaks from the heart in a way that commands my respect. Most people play little games and hold back or they play hard to get, they compliment or express their feelings sparingly, they are afraid of rejection or afraid of commitment. But this guy just puts it all out there with no qualms, and and more and more this really made him stand out in contrast to the others. The more I got to know him the more interested I was in him, and he continues to surprise me.
So then we only had 2 short months of enjoying eachother in San Diego… But then, as my life always seems to go, he suddenly had to move across the country to Boston (could he be any further??) for a work-related opportunity that will last about 8 months, and then hopefully moving back to San Diego.
So the stubbornly persistent, hopelessly romantic people that we both are, we didn’t want to let a silly little barrier like geography stop us from seeing each other. LOl.
So here we are several months into it now, and seeing what happens. He lives over there, I’m way over here across the country and we both are very busy people with consuming careers. But we’re taking it as it comes and surprisingly, we seem to be getting stronger over the course of this distance, which I see as a good sign.
So the last time I saw him was last month, and the next time I’ll see him will be kind of a big one… We’re taking a trip to Europe together! A 10-day trip to multiple countries, flying out of Boston. Kind of crazy and kind of risky; I’m not quite sure I would advise one of my clients to do that! But alas, I’m going with my intuition here and I do trust it (it steers me right most of the time at least). I think it’ll be very adventurous and a lot of fun, but also a great little built-in test to see how well we do toegther and how compatible we are… It’ll be the longest amount of time we’ve spent together straight and we’ll be in some interesting conditions, which won’t always be the most attractive or easy…
Oh well, here goes nothing; we’ll see what happens!
I’ll keep you posted, 😉