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What Guys REALLY Mean when they Say they “Don’t Want to Commit” to you

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I’m sure you’ve wondered how men really come to the decision that you’re ‘The One’… or that they want to commit to you…

And I’m sure you’ve wondered why the hell a guy will tell you he’s “Not ready for a commitment right now,” and what that really means.

dating coach deanna lorraineYou’ve probably also wondered WHY guys commit to some women, but not others.  

Well, unlike what most women think, its usually NOT because they CAN’T commit at all…. Or that they’re circumstances, like their work or their schedule, won’t allow them to commit to you…

What guys actually mean when they say this is… They are able to commit, but they don’t just don’t want to Commit to YOU.

Eek. Sorry to be the bearer of the brutally honest truth, but its true…

For a number of both emotional and logical reasons, they are:

  • a) Not FEELING strongly attracted enough, and
  • b) Have determined that you are not “High Value” enough and don’t perceive you as “Long-Term Relationship/Wife Material.”

So, they may continue to string you along though, especially if they’re getting any other kind “benefits” from you – like sex, or money, or getting their ego stroked by your attention.

But, understand that they are most likely looking around on the side for someone they think is better, and will never actually commit to you. They will probably just continue to string you along and break your heart.

Don’t try to give them excuses like “Oh, he’s just really really busy with his work right now, and that’s why he can’t commit to me right now.”

dating coach deanna lorraineNope! I’m sorry to say this, but no matter how busy a man is, he will still happily commit to a woman and make time for her if he’s really into her and “feeling” it. So don’t buy that as an excuse if you hear that.

If a guy tells you that they “don’t want a commitment” or aren’t ready for one, believe them! Don’t make the mistake that so many women do of hanging in their thinking you can “change their mind,” or change them from a player to a committed man.

Don’t make the mistake of trying to “win him over” by doing lots of nice things for him, giving him sex whenever he wants it, seeing him at his convenience even if he’s not having proper dates with you. (God forbid) loaning him money, or doing other nice things thinking that if he just continues to see how amazing, sweet, and giving you are, or if he just sees how great you are in bed, that he’ll eventually change his mind and commit to you.

This rarely, if ever, will happen.

Also, another rule of thumb about men is that if a guy feels really strongly about a girl, HE will be the first one to bring up the “DTR” (“Define The Relationship”) Talk!

He will come to YOU and ask you about a commitment – You, as the woman, shouldn’t be the one trying to bring up the commitment talks to him. If you’ve been going after him for a commitment, that’s a red flag in itself.

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When a guy really is into a girl, he does NOT want to share her with any other guy; He will want to see her as much as possible and want her all to himself!

Typically, a guy will NOT commit to a girl and will put them in the “Temporary girl” category, if they:

  • Don’t feel a deeper emotional connection with you and if the connection is just physical/sexual
  • If they don’t find you attractive and presentable enough to be proud of you, and to show you off publicly. (This is why many women who are overweight may often fall into this trap of being the “Temporary girl” who guys may sleep with and string along, but don’t want to commit to.)
  • Perceive you as having “Low Value.” Women telegraph either “High Value” or “Low Value” to men pretty quickly, through various signals, like how they communicate and the things they say and talk about, how they carry themselves, how they dress, how they take care of themselves, how they express their emotions, what kind of a life, family and friends they have. Women who communicate a lot of insecurities, self-doubts, fears, complaints, and other negative emotions, come across as “Low Value” to most men, and most men will be turned off by this and reticent to commit to these women.
  • If she is one-dimensional, and come across as dull or boring.

On the contrast, these are some of the primary factors that make most men WANT to commit to a girl, and desire her greatly:

  • If they have a strong physical, sexual, AND emotional connection with her.
  • If they are proud of the way she looks and carries herself, and proud to “show her off” publicly. She has a special “spark” about her, an “IT Factor” that draws people in.
  • If she comes across as having “High Value.” A woman projects “High Value” by the way she communicates and carries herself; She is engaging in the way she talks to him and his friends, she exudes confidence and self-love, femininity, and sex appeal.
  • She has a high level of “emotional fitness” – i.e., she handles her emotions well and for the most part is positive, happy, fun, centered, and easy-going.
  • She is multi-dimensional, and interesting.

dating coach deanna lorraineAcross the board, in all my interviews and coaching sessions with guys of all ages including my own dating experiences, these are the top factors that men state are the most attractive in women and that trigger intense passionate feelings and desire in them to commit to these women.

So, if a guy you’ve been seeing has been “on the fence” about you for a while and says he does not want to commit to you yet, then I advise you to either get out of that relationship, knowing that his perception has probably already been set, and try again with someone new.

Or, take your energy and efforts off of HIM and put those efforts into making certain changes in YOURSELF to develop or strengthen the qualities I listed above to make yourself more desirable, “High Value” and irresistibly commitment-worthy.

Then, see if things start turning around and he begins pursuing YOU!

**Want to discover the real reasons WHY men have not been committing to YOU, and what you can do about it to change your results with men? Do you want to know if men see you as “High Value,” marriage-material, or as a “Low-Value,” replaceable girl that they want to just string along? Find out now and learn what to do to break your pattern and start attracting amazing men who adore you and can’t wait to commit to you, by going through my proven 3-Step Dating Diagnostic & Love Makeover process today! Click below for full details & to begin.

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