I was talking to one of my female clients last night in our session, and she was having a hard time struggling with something that I know other people may struggle with too, so it got me all heated and I wanted to write a post on it so I can help those that do. The concept she was struggling with? …That of FLIRTING.
“I just can’t do it, I don’t think I have it in me… it’s not in my nature. I don’t want to bother with it. There has to be other ways of connecting with men…” She said vehemently after I told her that flirting is an essential part of the process of attracting dates and a relationship. She said that since it feels like work for her to flirt and feels ‘unnatural,’ she only wants to flirt with those men who seem like very strong possibilities, and doesn’t want to waste time bothering with it anywhere else. Now I don’t want to single her out though… Many people feel this way, both men and women alike.
But there’s a few things wrong with that thinking…
Number 1) How do you even know if someone is a very strong possibility, within a few seconds of looking at them?? How do you know if they are a strong possibility unless you TALK to them? And if it turns out they ARE a strong possibility, then the only way for them to connect YOU as a strong possibility and for them to be attracted to YOU is for you to create the attraction – by FLIRTING!
And the second thing wrong with that is, flirting is actually a NATURAL and innate part of human interaction… Everyone innately knows how to do it, but if it doesn’t feel comfortable for you or you don’t feel you’re good at it, it is because you don’t normally engage in it and practice it, or you stifle it, therefore it becomes dormant and very weak. Although some people are innately ‘better’ at it than others and more intuitively know how to use it, still everybody does have it. But it IS a skill and art, and those who have developed the skill and art of flirting more adeptly and use it more frequently are at much more of an ADVANTAGE – they tend to be better liked – by both men and women, get significantly more dates, and are more successful and faster at finding a partner than those who don’t.
And the more you do it and practice the art of flirting, the more comfortable and confident you will be with it and the more natural it will seem. If you rarely do it or “save” your flirting just for the few and far between people who seem like very strong prospects, then you will weaken those skills and won’t be able to perform as well as you would like to in that moment. Just like a skill like playing the guitar or snowboarding – Obviously if you haven’t practiced or done it in 10 years, you’re not going to be very good! And many people haven’t practiced the skill of flirting for much longer than that! For some people, all their lives.
To simplify it for those of you who may be in that category, flirting is really just a form of communicating that is slightly different you’re your regular style of speaking and communicating, in that it is more engaging and playful and may have some sexual undertones to it. Flirting is a more charismatic and engaging way to communicate, using your body language and gestures, and your words and energy. It is a different energy than the energy you use while communicating with, say, your brother, or an employee (or at least, it SHOULD be).
Timothy Perper, who has been researching flirting for 30 years, says, “Flirting captures the interest of the other person and says ‘Would you like to play?'” And one of the most exhilarating things about the game is that the normal rules of social interaction are rubberized. Clarity is not the point. “Flirting opens a window of potential. Not yes, not no,” says Perper. It just makes the possibility open and available to the other party, allowing you both to entertain it through your interaction. Without which, that possibility isn’t perceived or picked up on by the other party. (Hence how you fall into the “Friend Zone”)
Flirting is a way of communicating to the person you’re interacting with that “I do not want to just be your friend. I am a romantic possibility for you.” And it triggers interest and attraction in the mind of the person you’re speaking to. It separates you from every other average person they talked to that day, and creates a pulling effect, drawing them to you. This creates far more opportunities and options for you to choose from, and GREATLY enhances the odds that those you engage with that you are interested in will be a success and reciprocate those feelings of attraction!
If you do not alter your energy and communication by way of flirting when you’re talking to someone you’re interested in, then you’re not signaling to their subconscious that you’re anyone special or different that they should take note of; it will not trigger a romantic-sexual connection. You are perceived as just a ‘Friend’ to them or a stranger, that they’ll soon forget when they walk away. It will not register. So, if you frequently find yourself talking to a lot of people, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere, i.e. they never seem to ask for your number or ask you out, or your dates often don’t lead to anything romantic (aka, falling into the Friend Zone) – it is most likely because you are exhibiting just ‘Friend Energy’ when you’re interacting with them, and not ‘Romantic-Sexual energy’ by properly flirting.
So, why WOULDN’T you want to flirt then?? Also, as I stated before, the act of flirting is CHARISMATIC, and infused with positive energy… and the more positive energy and charisma you spread – onto anyone, man or woman – the MORE you will create and manifest for yourself. It cycles back to you and you become a magnet for attracting good opportunities and good people into your life every day. When you choose to ‘reserve’ or ‘save’ that positive energy for just certain select people and you don’t ‘bother’ to put it out there with most other people you encounter, you are only going to attract more scarcity into your life. You will continue to attract a LACK of that positive flirtatious energy, and lack of prospects, because YOU are expressing a lack of it. It is just Law (Law of Attraction). It is how energy works…
Okay I can write pages on the whole metaphysical argument for why flirting is beneficial but I’ll spare you this time, instead I just wanted to give you several real and factual reasons WHY practicing flirting is GOOD and why it works, especially if your end goal is to find a relationship. And why choosing not to do flirt or ‘reserving’ your flirting either because of laziness in that you feel it “takes too much effort,” or shyness, or lack of interest or desire to because you don’t ‘see the point’ – is only detrimental to you and really holds you back, stalling the process.
So, take my advice and.. Flirt, Flirt, and FLIRT! Practice flirting on a daily basis just with some of the people you encounter in your day, and you will really strengthen your skills. The more you engage in it, the more solidly the art of it all and the subtleties will just ‘click.’ If you don’t use it… You really do lose it.
This entry was more about the importance of flirting rather than a How-To, so stay tuned for a future post on How to Master the Art of Flirting.
For now though, just remember some of the keys to flirting are: Playfulness, Teasing, Warm, Positive Energy, Eye Contact, open and interested Body Language and Gestures.
Your Challenge? To Flirt with 2 people every day for the rest of the week. Embrace it, Practice it…. and just have FUN!
Share your COMMENTS below! 🙂