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DeAnnas Dating Blog

How I Discovered my Purpose as a Dating & Relationship Coach ~DeAnna’s Diaries

dating coachThe (“E! True Hollywood”) story of how my career helping people find love around the world was borne and what led me on my mission. 

I’m 8 years old and I live in a beautiful white, spacious, 3-story beach-house across from the ocean in Silver Strand Beach, California. I have 2 wonderful older brothers, a mom and dad whom I love, and a close circle of family friends. My parents have always put us in the best private Catholic schools and took us to Church every Sunday followed by dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.

We would spend weekends out on my dad’s boat, sailing to Catalina and the surrounding islands frequently, BBQ-ing while listening to my dad’s favorite tunes of Natalie Cole or The Doors (probably where I get my random taste in music from)….

My young and always vibrant mother makes a home-cooked meal every night, we take vacations to Hawaii and our lake house every year, and life is good! As far as I know, I don’t see anything wrong with my life or family, aside from some occasional fighting between my mom and dad and the bickering and wrestling matches with my brothers and I (they did a great job  of toughening me up!).

And then one day in the Summer, my dad takes a little trip for himself to Miami Florida, which is where he attended college and visits old friends there occasionally. For some reason he decided to take this trip by himself, but us kids didn’t think much of it at the time.

But then a few days later some really strange things started happening. One day while my father was gone, my mother suddenly invited her brother, my uncle, and some of her friends over to our house.

They started quickly and quietly cleaning out the house – and moving all of our furniture out. They were quiet and somber and didn’t offer us much explanation. I had no idea what was going on, but my brothers and I just watched as our big white house, formerly filled with our cozy furnishings, warmth and family memories rapidly grew more and more vacant and filled with cold air…

Within a few hours, our entire home was cleared out. You could hear our voices echo again through the high vaulted ceilings of the now empty house.

My mother didn’t say much to us, but just gabbed our hands and told us flatly that we had to leave, and that she would explain later. So we went with her. She drove us an hour in silence to our next destination, which turned out to be our grandparents house. They greeted us with loving arms and took us inside, and my brothers and I, my uncle , grandparents and my mom all sat around the living room together in silence…

Then my mother finally spoke, and she said the words that would change my life forever: “Guys… I have to tell you something… Your father is no longer going to be living with us anymore.”

What?? My jaw dropped in shock as tears started welling up in my eyes.

And then came the words that no child wants to hear:

“I’m sorry… Your Dad and I are getting a divorce.

And that was the day my life turned around.

The loving, complete family that I had and my life as I knew it was gone in one day!

My reality was no longer the same. Just like that, I went from having beautiful family holidays and Christmas’s with loads of presents under the tree, an excited mother cooking breakfast and a dad videotaping every special moment, to spending holidays in a divided home split up from my parents, alternating every other holiday with a different parent or having to painfully choose between them, being hours away from the other, and having a much quieter and emptier holiday.

I went from seeing my father every day and having dinner with him, to seeing him only a few times a year and living on opposite sides of the state.

Only 1 year later, my mother met someone new and remarried him. And again our life was shifted.

My brothers and I got uprooted from Los Angeles where we were born and raised, to Northern California where this new man that I was suddenly now supposed to call my Step-father lived, away from my father and all our family and friends that we grew up with.

But, we yet again managed to make the best of the situation and gradually adapted to this sudden new reality.

But then, after only a few years, just as we started finally coming around to this new life and step-father, the unthinkable happened again, believe it or not…

They started arguing… They started having problems…. The problems started getting worse… And they soon separated… And within 5 years, there I was, having to go through another divorce, all over again.

I found myself having deja vu with the same situation; only this time, I’m a little older and have a slightly thicker skin. I’ve got a little armor on now.; )

Many children in the same situation wind up going down the wrong path and living a pretty rocky life… But aside from some occasional teenage rebelliousness, I decided that I would NOT live my life as a victim of some sad circumstances. I would not be some troubled kid who people felt sorry for. I was determined to make something great out of myself.

I started seeing my life as an opportunity instead, and my purpose here became more and more clear.

And fast-forward to the present, here I am now today. Without proceeding to continue through my entire life story (that’s for my book!), I ultimately turned out okay obviously, with maybe some light war wounds and minimal scratches, I am complete with all the happenings, twists and turns in my life. This aint’ no sob story. I was fortunate enough to have parents and a family that, despite the circumstances, were always very loving and supportive of me and raised me well, and so I made it through the woods pretty healthy and happy. I’ve gotten completion with my parents and the divorces years ago and I  don’t hold any resentment towards them or any of the events in my life, because they’ve made me a lot stronger and wiser of a person and being the eternal optimist that I am, managed to turn the events of my life into something very positive.

For a long time while growing up through these divorces and all the negative ripple effects that came along with them, I had a lot of underlying feelings of guilt and responsibility in my parents’ divorce; I used to always feel like their marriage could have somehow been saved – I felt like if they just tried harder, went to therapy, communicated better, or explored different solutions then they could have solved their issues and prevented their divorce.

And even at a very young age I always had a strong sense of personal power and a gift for communicating and mediating. So as a little girl I was haunted a lot by regret, thinking that if I was just more aware of the problems that were going on between my parents at the time, if I maybe stepped in more and had better tools and knowledge of relationships at that time, I could have somehow ‘saved’ them and kept them together, happily married and continued our lives as a whole and complete family. Sometimes I would fantasize about this happening and how I could have helped them.

But whether I as a little 8-year old girl could have really saved my parents’ marriage or not, or how logical those Superwoman-esque thoughts really were, they were very real for me.

And thus, my career was borne.

I wasn’t able to save my own parents’ relationship, so I was going to learn how to save everyone else’s instead! My parents’ relationship didn’t work out, so I was going to make sure MY relationship did, so I can have the happy, fairy-tale marriage and family that I never got to fully have.

I declared it as my life’s mission to learn how to prevent these terrible things we call divorces all over the world. I never wanted anyone I cared about to have to go through a divorce, and I never, ever wanted to go through one myself… I would make damn sure of that!

I became fascinated with relationships and psychology, increasingly determined to figure out’ all the secrets and ‘keys’ to create successful relationships that work and last for life. I was always researching and reading all the relationship, dating and attraction books and studies that I could get my hands on. And I excitedly took this mission on!

I became the unofficial love ‘coach’ and adviser to my mother, my friends and classmates, and my brothers and all their (cute) friends, advising them on everything from helping them land the girl or guy they’ve been crushing on, to coaching them through their relationship issues, or helping them heal their broken hearts. It didn’t matter who I was counseling or whether they were younger or older than me, my wisdom seemed to transcend any age or gender gap.

As more and more relationships around me crumbled and divorces started becoming the norm among my family and friends, I was obsessed with discovering the secrets to having a relationship that beat the odds of divorce and stood through all the tests of life. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. I wanted everyone to be able to have the lasting, fairy-tale marriage,  including myself.

Through my learning and development during the years, I seem to have unleashed a profound intuition – or what I came to call my “6th Sense” – for being able to talk to people and quickly read and understand their relationships and dating circumstances very accurately…. Sort of like how a Psychic reads your fortune, except for my psychic-ness seems to be specific to the area of people’s dating and relationships! Bizarre. (Well I certainly didn’t get the gift of Athleticism, so I guess this was my compensation. Lol).

I became very attuned with the energy and ‘heartbeat’ of a couples’ relationship.

Just by looking at a couple or being in their presence for a few minutes I could tell if they were having problems, if they had just been fighting, making love, if they were a compatible couple or not, and how long they would last. Just by talking with someone for a few minutes I could get a very accurate read on them, and understand intimately what the source of their problems were between the opposite sex or their partner, and what they needed to do to fix it. And as I continued acquiring my own relationships and dating experiences, they continued to add more layers of depth to my knowledge and kept refining my relationship psychic-ness.

Along with my study of relationships and love I studied all the components that go along with it in every stage, especially the whole world of dating, attraction, male and female psychology, sex, and social dynamics. Because one needs to understand and master the ‘dating phase’ first before they can master the ‘relationship phase.’ But even before that… There is one more phase that one must work on and master…

I came to a profound realization that: It all starts, and ends, with YOU!

All of the things that happen within dating and relationships, the level of success or failure of our experiences, is all entirely dictated and influenced by YOU.

It may sound pretty obvious and simplistic, but it’s actually pretty profound and if everyone really grasped this, then there would be much more successful and lasting relationships…

Because what this means is that we have a lot of work to do on ourselves, first! There’s a lot of personal responsibility one needs to take on if they want to find true and  lasting love with the right partner.

See most people look outside themselves to try to find greater happiness and love, or a better relationship. They keep searching for some ONE else or some THING else out there to ‘complete’ them or to make themselves happier or more confident. But YOU are actually at the source of everything that you want, and you’ve got to put some work into being the best version of YOURSELF first in order for you to attract the best relationship (and life) for you.

I realized that we as individuals need to be much more self-aware of who we are and what we WANT for relationships and our lives. And we need to be much more intentional and conscious in our efforts of finding ‘The One,’ and in the dating process along the way. If we keep going about dating and finding the right one blindly, haphazardly or with minimal awareness of what we’re doing, we will keep ending up in the wrong relationships, failed marriages and lots of mistakes and heartaches.

Our society has CHANGED, and continues to change rapidly… We want different things now and we have different (and much higher!) expectations and criteria for what we want in a partner, relationship and marriage than we did 50 years ago.

And along with our changing expectations, dramatically shifting gender roles and the climbing divorce rate, the dating scene also started changing rapidly and becoming very different and confusing for many people, especially with the advent of the Internet, Online Dating and new technologies. It’s really become a dating jungle out there!

In the last 10 years especially, people have been scrambling for help and answers! There has been a dire need for coaching and education in this area to guide people through all this craziness.

There is so much negativity and chaos going on in the world today as we’ve been rapidly evolving, so much breaking up and divorces, unhappy marriages and relationships, and people who are just existing in the world single and lonely or living unhappy, unfulfilling lives. People seem to have forgotten what life is all about – and what real LOVE is.

I believe it is everyone’s birthright to find true love in their lives and live a life that they really love. And that’s what I believe I was put on this planet to help people do. I know very well now that there’s a reason why I’ve gone through all the experiences I have, and over the years I’ve actually become truly grateful for it because all those experiences have shaped me into the person that I am today and have paved the path for my real purpose here. It’s as if the Universe already mapped out this plan for me and signed me up for this role way before I even arrived here. And the more I’ve grown into this position, with every year that passes I’ve seen the need for this work grow more and more. That’s why I’ve dedicated my life’s work to making a real, positive impact in this area.

What I’ve been hard but happily at work on in the last 10 years is creating extraordinary relationships and marriages that WORK and that LAST, all over the world. Marriages that actually BEAT the odds of divorce. I’m working on connecting men and women more intimately and bringing greater harmony, understanding and communication between the sexes, so we can create more successful and loving relationships with each other more readily. And I’m helping to make it possible for as many people as I can to find the love of their lives, AND live a life that they truly LOVE. A life that is passionate, delicious and fulfilling! Not a life that they are merely “existing” in and bored with.

When people are in love, when they are in happy, fulfilling relationships that work – they are more productive, more peaceful, more loving to those around them and live a better overall quality of life.

People who are in great relationships are actually a more positive contribution to society. And on the contrary, people who are alone and lonely, or who are stuck in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships or marriages that don’t work are actually a negative contribution to society on the whole, and tend to be depressed, less productive in their jobs, unfriendly to people, and more likely to do destructive things to society and to other people throughout their lives.

Imagine what it would be like if YOU and everyone around you were in loving, happy relationships??

The world would be a pretty different place!

So very long story short, that right there is what I’m up to and what I’m passionate about, and you can bet that I’ll be doing this till I’m in the grave. I’m always going to be doing this because this is much more than a job for me – it’s my passion and it’s personal, and my fire for it will always keep burning. Every new relationship I create, every person’s life that I help transform, and every new marriage that I help save reignites it.

I look forward to waking up every day and it’s an honor to do the work that I do! Thank you 🙂

In Love & Success, DeAnna xo

Your Relationship and Dating Coach

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

Women’s Teleseminar: Inside the Male Mind: Dating, Relationship & Sex Questions answered!

Hey fabulous Ladies,

I want to personally invite you to a very special Teleseminar I am leading this month, THIS Wednesday, August 31st at 12-1pm (PST). The topic this month is on:

Ask DeAnna: All your Dating, Relationship, Sex & Men Questions answered!

We are also going to have a special guest on who will add even more insight into the Mind of a Man, my good friend Corey Jenkins, Host of the TV show: “The Male Room – Helping Women Understand Men & Men Understand Themselves!”

This is the 6th &  final call in my exclusive monthly Teleseminar series that’s just for women, “The Art of MAN-ifesting Mr. Right.”

Here’s what you can expect in this information-packed Teleseminar:

  • Come prepared with any question you have that relates to dating, relationship, sex, or men, or any concept that we’ve discussed in any of my previous Teleseminars. And Corey & I will answer them for you on the spot.
  • I will also be answering any pressing question or dilemma you are are having right now with the current GUY you are dating, someone you are interested in dating, or the man that you’re in a relationship with. If you’re having a problem or dilemma and you need some fast advice, this is the time to get it!
  • It will also be very informative for you to hear questions from other women and hear my advice and answers to them, as you will most likely be able to relate.
  • “Decode your Man” – Tell me the issue, and I’ll tell you what he’s really thinking!
  • Special Guy Guest Corey Jenkins, Host of the hit Internet TV Show “The Male Room”

I highly encourage you to join the call this month, it’s going to be a lot of fun and information and you’ll be sure to learn a lot!

In order to join the call, you must register HERE:

Then you will be sent the call-in #.

Again, here are the details:

When: August 31st, 12-1pm PST

Where: Call-in (# will be sent to you after registering)

Why: Because you want to be more successful in your dating & relationships with MEN!

Cost: No charge. This is my complimentary Teleseminar series for women

Please feel free to forward this invite along to any friends or family members you know of as well who are eager to get married or get into a serious relationship this year.

Thanks, and I hope to “see” you on the call THIS Wednesday, August 31st!

Your Dating Coach & Romance Resource,

DeAnna Lorraine

Register Now!
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If the above form is not working for some reason, you may also register by sending an email to Deanna@DeannaLorraine.com and include your name and phone #.

Deanna Lorraine is an internationally-recognized and San Diego Dating Coach

DeAnna Lorraine is a Dating Coach and dating expert.

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DeAnnas Dating Blog Relationships & Love

10 Ways to “Resurrect your Romance” for Nat’l Resurrect Romance Week!

10 Ways to “Resurrect” the Romance & Passion in your Relationship!

Did you know that this week, August 14th – 21st is “National Resurrect Romance Week?” I know, one of those random and little-known holidays that I happen to know of. But yes it is, and that means this whole week is dedicated to spending time & attention on your partner to revive the romance and passion in your relationship. Keeping the romance and passion hot in your relationship is an absolutely necessary ingredient to make a relationship last, especially through the inevitable rough patches and conflicts that your marriage or relationship will endure. Without romance & passion… You’re just roommates or friends, not lovers. So here are some tips I put together for reviving the romance and passion in YOUR relationship – start these today!

Never Stop Dressing Up and Looking Hot for each other!

It was your initial attraction that brought you and your lover together. So it only makes sense to keep up the same appearance that first attracted your partner. This is a mistake that so many men & women make, but especially women; they figure that once they’ve got him, they are free to “let themselves go,” and still be loved unconditionally by their mate. But you have to put effort into staying attractive and sexy in your lover’s eyes, to ensure his eyes stay only on you, for the long haul. Don’t let the only outfit he sees you in be your old sweats and T-shirts; Dress up at least once or twice a week in heels and a hot dress, make-up and hair done and all. Men are very visual beings and place a high value on a woman’s physical appearance, so dressing up, staying in shape and looking great for your hubby on a regular basis will serve as a constant reminder of why he chose you and that you’re still the knock-out you were when he first laid eyes on you!

Have and Keep a Regular “Date Night.”

When you have children it can be easy to fall into the trap of letting your marriage and romance take a back seat. Don’t make this mistake! If there’s anything we can learn from the Obamas it’s the necessity of having “Date Night” – and if they can do it, I think everyone can. Set aside 1 evening a week to go on date with your partner; and make a commitment to stick to it no matter what, as if it were any other important appointment. It doesn’t matter so much were you go, or that you even have to spend any money, but it’s important that it’s at least 3 hours, uninterrupted, and alone. You need this time to re-connect with your lover roles as Husband and Wife in the midst of hectic schedules, kids, and crazy work weeks. It allows you to maintain that connection and not lose each other in the madness. To make it easier to stick to your dates, have a regular babysitting arrangement in place, and never cut down on your date nights even if finances are tight due to worry over babysitting costs. There’s always creative and affordable options you can look into. Believe me, the cost of a divorce or failed relationship is far worse than paying a babysitter a couple hours a week.

Keep things Spontaneous with Unexpected Surprises

Surprises keep things fun, fresh and exciting, and make the receiver feel special and brings back those exciting feelings you had for each other when you were first starting out. Surprise your lover by leaving occasional sweet or sexy notes in his or her shoe or the pants pocket of the pants he’s going to wear to work, or leave a note and a rose on their dashboard. Some of the most stimulating foreplay can be had through technology by sending spontaneously sexy texts messages and emails at unexpected times throughout your partner’s work day or when you are apart and builds crazy anticipation! When he comes home from work, occasionally surprise him by greeting him with high heels, hot new lingerie and his favorite ice cold beer. Don’t fall into a predictable routine; always find creative ways to surprise each other and spice things up

Commit to Trying 1 New Thing a Month Together.

In a relationship or marriage, you are either growing together… or growing apart. In order to ensure you continue growing upwards together, make a commitment to do or try one new thing together as a couple each month; whether it’s trying a new exotic food, learning a new foreign language, Salsa Dancing, Sky-diving, or simply a new restaurant, the novelty and excitement of trying new things together will tighten your bond and create lots of fond shared memories, not to mention keep your libido hot – whenever you try something new, your brains produce loads of dopamine, that chemical that gives you that feel-good rush, which serves as a total aphrodisiac.

Have Regular “Movie Make-out” Time!

Remember when you were younger and the only time you could sneak alone with your flame was in the movie theatre? And how exactly did you spend that time in there? Yeah… that’s right. Give your romance that spicy, youthful feel again by setting aside regular “Movie Make-out Session” time. Most couples who have been in relationships for years stop kissing and making out beyond sex and the bedroom. But don’t undermine this intimate act of expression. Commit to having a 15-minute “make-out session” at least every 48 hours. But beyond that rule, leave it ambiguous with no set time, as half the fun is not knowing when you’re partner will throw your head back and start going at it, or take turns initiating it when (and where!) the other least expects it. 😉

Keep the Compliments Coming

Don’t ever stop giving compliments to each other and showing your appreciation to your partner. And if it’s been a while, start them back up again. When he’s about to leave for work dressed in a new shirt and tie, tell him how unbelievably hot he is. When she is all dolled up in a new dress and heels, tell her how sexy she is. When he does something to drive you wild in bed, make sure you tell him what a stud he is. When you continue to make each other feel sexy, you’ll be that much more turned on by each other and your newly enhanced confidence will be quite a libido-booster.

Take Frequent Trips Together.

Make it a priority to schedule frequent trips and getaways with just the two of you or another couple, and leave the kids at home! Of course you’ll take family trips too, but you need “Adults Only” getaways as well. Whether it’s just a random overnighter, a road-trip or a week-long vacation, it’s essential to have that intimate alone time for more than just a few hours so you actually get a chance to give your brains a break, unplug, and just be present with each other without the stressors of home –  not to mention that going to new places together on a regular basis will continue to create that shared excitement and experiences that are so important keeping that spark lit for life.

Do the Deed in at Least 1 New Place a Month.

As much as we all hate to admit it, sex can get stale after a while with the same partner, no matter how much you love each other. Ask yourself when the last new position you’ve tried was or the last time you’ve had sex outside the bedroom? Make a pact with your partner to have sex in at least 1 new place outside the bedroom every month. At least. And no repeats! This will force you to be creative. Then keep a rolling list together of all the new places you’ve “christened” as if they were gold medals.

Keep things Fun with Fantasy Games.

Playing occasional fantasy games with your partner like Dress-up and Role-Play is a fantastic way to keep the thrill and novelty alive in the relationship. Here’s one idea: Make a “Blind Date” with your partner at a designated time and place as if you hadn’t met before (I would even recommend using different names for extra fun). Get ready separately and meet each other there separately. Then, wait at the bar dressed to the nines in a killer outfit, and have your man “pick you up” like it’s the first time you’ve met. Stay in character the rest of the night as he persists to charm and seduce you. Incorporating role play and dress up in bed is a lot fun – share some fantasies that you both would enjoy playing out.

Renew your Vows!

You can renew your vows whenever you want and there is no limit on how many times you do so. It’s a beautiful way to recapture your wedding day and those feelings you had on it, and each time you do it you’ll feel a renewed sense of commitment and excitement for each other! Maybe you’ve traveled to a beautiful place together or you’ve shared an amazing day or experience you don’t want to forget; or maybe the next time you’re in Vegas you want to know what it feels like to “elope” in secret in a little casino chapel; So why not do it! What a great way to lock in those memories, keep things fresh and renew your love for each other at the same time.

Have fun & enjoy each other! Let me know how it goes 🙂  xo, DeAnna

I love hearing your Comments! Leave your Comments, Questions & Thoughts on this Post below!


Deanna Lorraine is a san diego dating coach and dating expert

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

5 Major Things that may be Blocking you from a Relationship

5 Major things in your Life that can be Blocking you from Attracting a Relationship

1. Your Friends: Do you have any friends that are single and bitter toward the opposite sex? Are they toxic to be around, and express their negativity about finding a relationship when they’re around you? Or do they dress sloppy, act embarrassing, or otherwise not represent you well when you’re out with them?

2. Your Career: Is your career your #1 priority, and it takes up too much of your time? Are you always working, or even using your work as an excuse to not go out and date and meet people?

3. Your Home & Bedroom: Is your home and bedroom frequently messy and dirty? Is there lots of clutter & dust in them? Is your closet stuffed with clothes and clutter? If your Mr. or Ms. Right had the ability to observe your home and bedroom as it is right now...Would they be proud of what they would see, and would it be inviting for them? If you have no space in your bedroom and home for a person to come in, then a relationship can’t find its way to you!

4. Your Attitude: Do you have a negative or cynical attitude toward the dating process? Are you doubtful that you’re ever going to find your life partner?  Are you feeling desperate and longing for a relationship (“Where is he already??”) This attitude needs to shift in order to magnetize love. You need to shift from feelings of wanting love to feelings of already having love. That’s what’s going to attract that experience.

5. Your Exes! Are you still physically or emotionally tangled up with your ex, or in and out of a relationship with him/her? Are you spending time with someone who you know is not The One for you, but just doing it to pass the time? This old energy is taking up space and blocking new love and energy to come in!

Share your Thoughts & Comments BELOW!

DeAnna Lorraine is an internationally-recognized Dating Coach & dating expert.

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