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DeAnnas Dating Blog

10 Ways to Enhance your Romance… With YOURSELF!

10 Ways to Enhance the Romance… With Yourself! (See article below)

By: ME!

In the hustle and bustle of today’s world we live in, with our Blackberries and I-Phones going off 24/7, emails flooding through, people stealing our attention and overload of information, Internet distractions, and celebrity gossip, we can get lost in all the mayhem of our lives, and as a result, lose touch with ourselves. But when you lose touch with yourself, you lose touch with your energy, and the very essence of you, the very thing that makes you attractive to other people, to the opposite sex, and to the things that you WANT in your life. You lose your personal magnetism.

You must keep that flame within YOURSELF hot and burning, always; you need to maintain your connection with yourself. You may think that the most important thing in this world is your connection with other people, and with your partner or the opposite sex, but let me tell you, in order to have that strong and beautiful connection with another… You first MUST have that strong, healthy and beautiful connection with your SELF. That comes first and foremost. And, you should know that those people with the highest level of self-awareness and self-love, are also the ones who are most successful with attracting the opposite sex and have the best, more amazing and lasting romantic relationships.

So, you NEED to make it a priority to take time out of your busy life and CONNECT with yourself. Make IT A HIGH priority. I promise you, doing this regularly and consistently you will see a dramatic improvement in the overall quality of your life and level of happiness, a lift in your confidence, and your love life will begin to thrive.

10 Ways to Enhance the Romance… With Yourself!

  1. 1. Make a nightly date with yourself. Yes, make a “date” with yourself, on either a nightly, or a minimum of a weekly, basis; schedule it into your planner, and honor it every time, treating it like you would a date with another person. And don’t flake on yourself! This is a priority. You will see the cumulative affect over time.
  1. 2.   Turn OFF the TV & Turn off your phone or put it on silent – Treat it just like a real date! Think about how much time you eat up during the day – while driving in your car, while walking to someplace, or in line waiting for something, etc. – and talking on your phone to someone. Your inner self is screaming for some alone time, yet you’re always preoccupied with other people and things, and eating any potential alone time by gabbing away on your cell or answering emails. So when it’s your date with yourself, give yourself the respect it deserves and turn off all distractions, so you can really be present and focus on yourself. This may take some getting used to for you busy-bees and workaholics, but avoid the temptations to turn on distractions and simply be alone with yourself and your thoughts. You will come to enjoy it and this alone time will give you some much-needed clarity and focus.
  1. 3.   Slip on something sexy & intimate. Put on something that feels good. Whether it be lingerie, or a silk slip or a cozy bathrobe. The more pleasing it is on the skin and the eyes, the better for your mood. When you put on something that makes you feel good and feel sexy, even when you’re by yourself, you will feel a shift in your mood and you will feel more beautiful, more powerful and more confident from the inside out.
  1. 4.    Set the Mood – Yes, just like you would (or should!) a date with the opposite sex, it’s important to also set the mood for being with yourself. It will help you to quiet down and relax, and connect with your intimate, spiritual self. Some great ways that I recommend setting the mood are the following:
    • Light candles – Put some scented votive candles around your room (I have a bunch that I spread out on my windowsill, dressers, and nightstand).
    • Music! Put on a favorite song or music mix. I usually alternate between softer meditation music or light trance/European house music, depending on my mood or the mood I want to get in. I really like Karunesh.
    • Choose a favorite fragrance, scented candle and/or incense. Use the same fragrance for every date. Let this be your signature fragrance and the signal to your mind that this fragrance means it’s “Me” time, and it’s time to reconnect with yourself. Some great fragrances I recommend are Lavender or Vanilla, which are known for their relaxation abilities and smell delicious too.

  1. 5. Pamper yourself:  Soak in a stimulating Bath – Draw yourself a beautiful hot bath. And just allow yourself to actually relax in it and literally soak it up. Put your watch away. Put a candle or two by the bathtub and have the music on. For an extra stimulating bath, I also recommend getting fizzy scented bath salts, oils or “bath bombs.” Putting these in your bath will make for an even more decadent experience! (Recommendation: Try one of these delicious & invigorating Bath Bombs, from Lux Naturals, my favorite place for all things bath and body – http://www.luxnaturals.com/bath-and-body.html Then after your bath, rub in one of their sumptuous home-made body butter bars as it melts into your skin. Mmmmm…)
  1. 6.       Read: Reading helps quiet your mind and relax you. While I recommend reading a self-improvement or personal growth book, a romance novel or some good poetry or magazine will be fine as well.
  1. 7.      Treat Yourself… Indulge a little. Eat something appealing to the senses, and if you can cook it, that’s all the better as cooking can be very therapeutic. But if you’re not into cooking, you can just get take-out. Either way, treat yourself to something that makes you happy to eat, and has a lot of flavor, like seafood pasta or sushi, frozen yogurt, vanilla ice cream, dark chocolate, chocolate-covered strawberries, or other fruit. The following are some recommendations of foods that actually physically make you feel better and happier and elevate your mood: eating fish especially such as sushi or salmon, will physically make you feel better:
    • Deep-sea Fish, such as Salmon: Deep-sea fish contain ample amounts of Omega-3 Fatty acids, which have a plethora of health benefits and elevate your mood.
    • Real Dark Chocolate (best to get is 75% or more pure dark chocolate, not the commercialized ‘dark’ chocolate).  Dark chocolate helps release dopamine and endorphins in your brain, which are those natural feel-good chemicals and natural painkillers!
    • A glass of Champagne or wine, preferably red wine. Red Wine is an especially rich source of Antioxidants and also releases dopamine. Woohoo.
  1. 8.      Love yourself…Admire yourself…Make a list of at least 3 things you find sexy or beautiful about yourself. Write it down. Put it somewhere that you’ll see it like your dresser mirror. Compliment yourself!
  1. 9.      Respect yourself… Make a list of at least 3 things that you respect yourself for, or that you are proud of yourself for doing in this past week. It’s good to be continuously impressed with your own self and in admiration of yourself. The more you respect yourself and take time to appreciate and admire yourself, the more good things will keep coming to you and the more successful you’ll be in life.
  1. 10. Tap into your Inner Creativity – Being near water, especially moving water, stimulates creativity and ideas to flow. This is why drawing a bath is important, or sitting next to an ocean or lake, or even simulating the effect by purchasing one of those small plug-in waterfalls that you can put in your room and turn on when it’s time. You can buy these for about $10 at many drug stores or Target. With that creativity and this inner peace that you’re generating on your date, use it. Take a pen and write something, write a song or write a poem or short story. Draw or paint something. Create something or design something. Here are some suggestions of things to do that will help stimulate your creativity and tap into your inner creativity and desires, and manifest them!

  1. Write out your Top 10 biggest goals for this year for you, in detail. Be specific and paint a descriptive picture of what the end-result of the goal will look and feel like to you.
  1. Create a Vision Board. Get out a large white board or piece of paper, and go through magazines, newspapers, or online, and cut out all those things that represent your goals and where you want to ne in a given area. For instance, cut out pictures of $100 bills, of a beach in Tahiti, a couple kissing, the car that you’re dreaming of, it. Paste them onto your Vision Board in a way that feels good and inspires you to attain them, then put the Vision Board somewhere where you can see. You can always keep coming back to it and add to it and modify it.
  1. Create positive affirmations for yourself, and say them out loud. It is a truth that what we tell ourselves, we believe. By creating healthy, positive affirmations and doing a regular daily practice of repeating them, any old dialogue you have that’s negative or unhealthy will wane in its power and will be replaced by a much stronger, confident, competent, dialogue  that is receptive to attracting success! At least give it a try.

Alright…. Go have fun on your Date!

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

More Bachelorette Dating Do's & Dont's!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Don’ts!

frankpoem-crossleggedThis Week’s episode: June 21st

  1. Frank and his “Non-Existent” Date: “On this date, When Frank was on his group date, he definitely took a back seat to all the other guys. He remained quiet, kind of a shadow in the wings, and wasn’t making himself known, asserting himself to make alone time with her or fighting for her like the other men in the scene. Ali even told Frank that she “doesn’t even see him”at all during their group dates and that he is actually “non-existent.” Wow – that is one word no guy should EVER want to be called on a date. Frank was trying to play it cool and relax, and but the fact is, this IS a competition and just like the real world of dating, there are always other guys vying for a woman’s attention and competing for her. Don’t ever think that you’re the only one, because especially if you’re pursuing an attractive female, she’s probably got other options. You never know how much harder another guy is pursuing her or how creative or aggressive he is about it. So, YOU need to be the one that gets her by making yourself stand out, and by being assertive about it and making things HAPPEN with her. Make yourself and your intentions known. Understand the definition of “pursue,” – and do that! The one that persistently – and creatively – pursues, is the one who gets the prize. (But note, I say, “persistently” and “creatively” pursue… not desperately 🙂
  1. Ty’s great display of Alpha Male Manliness: On their “group date” with Ali, 8 of the men and Ali went horseback-riding in Iceland’s mountainous terrain. Ty went into the date saying, “I’m definitely planning on getting that rose.” And with that assertive attitude, with his sights set on his prize, his behavior followed, and he truly shined. He took the lead in the situation, being a sort of Cowboy himself, and helped her get all strapped in, helped her with her saddle, took the time to help out the other guys with theirs, and literally “took the reigns” the whole time. He stood out as the leader in this date because he simply grabbed the bull by the horns and handled everything, like a man should. He was caring, attentive, and always there to get her back or anyone else’s (including Chris L who fell off his horse), but without being smothering or needy mind you, just in a masculine, Alpha Male kind of way. Ali’s words epitomized how women feel when they’re around a real man like that who assumes the leadership role and “handles things like a man”: “I just like how he’s always caring for me and making sure I’m OK. I LOVE that.” Kudos Ty, for stepping up to the plate. Very sexy. Men, you can learn from this. When you’re attentive to a woman, you can notice opportunities left and right for you to take the lead or handle a situation and look like the man, and she’ll be putty in your hands.
  1. Casey’s Continued Creepiness: OMG… Need I say more?? Mistake #1 – This guy got a TATTOO. Yes, he ran out and, after knowing Ali for less than a few weeks, got a tattoo that’s representative of her, the rose ceremony and the 11 bachelors that were left. Um, can we say, CRAZY? He got it to prove to Ali that he is “genuine” and “for real.” He said he wanted to “be the man of her dreams.” Well, there’s other ways to show that you’re genuine and for real – besides showing her you’re a nutcase. He literally is wearing his heart (tattoo) on his sleeve. The only thing he’s proving to her is emotional instability. Men…. Do not follow suit. This is no way to impress a woman. The only thing it’ll get you is a hefty bill for the tattoo removal when she dumps you. Mistake #2: And if that wasn’t bad enough, he continues to pour his heart out to Ali and profess his deep, intense, creepy feelings to her and singing an (off-key) song he made up for her…. Even AFTER she’s asked him to “take a step back.”  Is it any surprise that she ditched him at the end? Men can take a lesson from this freak – Less is more. Women like a challenge just like men do, and men who come on too strong too soon get put in the creepy/stalker category.  Unlike how many movies portray, the way to “prove” to a woman that you’re a great guy is not by being a sensitive basket-case pouring out your feelings to her & pulling desperate stunts, at least not in the beginning. Show some self-control and inner strength, and we’ll respect you much more for it.
  1. Ali breaking the Golden Gushing Rule Again: Ali, girl, oops you did it again! Whenever she’s with the sexy Roberto, she has this terrible tendency to gush all over him, saturate him with compliments and feed his ego. Again, she broke the rule that we discussed last week. While spending some alone time with him, while staring up at him starry-eyed & insecure, she asked him, “If we weren’t on the show, would you ever even approach me? Would you date me?” Then she proceeded to telling him, “I don’t think I would ever approach you, because I would think that you’re too HOT for me!” Omg Ali, big no-no! She immediately devalued herself by saying this and lowered her own attraction. You telling someone that they are too hot for you is only going to make them believe the exact same thing – and look for someone they thing is ‘on their level,’ which, apparently isn’t YOU.  Tisk, tisk.
  1. ALL the Guys – And their Lack of Touching: Whenever Ali was sitting on the couch with one of the guys, having alone time with them individually, none of them ever did any touching when next to her. Men can learn from this, because men (and women for that matter) in this position can greatly elevate the level of attraction a woman feels toward you simply by adding some mild touching in the situation. Lightly running your fingertips down her arm while she’s looking at you and talking, rubbing her shoulder a bit, putting your hand on hers or putting her hands on your thigh while talking; you want to get your date comfortable with your touch early on so gradually increased physical contact is welcomed and feels natural and good. The more frequently you touch her, the more she’ll see you as a romantic, sexual prospect and the more “sparks” your date will feel like you have. So take these opportunities, men. If one of these guys did this, he would definitely have increased his bond and connection with Ali.
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DeAnnas Dating Blog

8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance!

Summer love8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance! (By DeAnna)

Woohoo! Summer is here already and it’s the perfect time for heating things up, whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been married for years. Here’s some ultra- hot and creative (and low-budget) Summer dates that’ll help your relationship heat up right along with the weather!

  1. A Star-Gazing Picnic. This date is so easy and low-budget, you can do it right in your own backyard! And Summer is great for meteor showers and planetary happenings. Take your honey and pack up a bottle (or three) of wine, some appetizers or dinner, dark chocolate and a blanket. (Optional romance-enhancing add-ons: Candles and a telescope or binoculars.) Then hike on down to your backyard, the beach, or the top of a hill, and enjoy a beautiful sunset over drinks and dinner followed up with an evening of star-gazing.
  1. The Retro Date: The summer is the perfect time for a little out-doors action! Pack up a dinner for two or enough for a double-date, take a convertible or pickup truck to a Drive-in movie theatre, and get cozy while you eat, drink, snuggle, and enjoy a movie or two together under the stars while making out like teenagers. (Bonus – Rent an old Classic car for the evening!)
  1. Spanish Fiesta Date. Pretend like you’re in Spain and recapture that far-from-home vacation feeling by dressing up in skimpy Summery attire and whipping up an ice-cold carafe of fresh Spanish Sangria, have some Spanish romantic guitar playing in the background, and slowly seducing your lover’s appetite with savory Tapas (or little Spanish plates) like Spanish meatballs, ham and cheese, Chorizo and Croquettes, and Garlic-stuffed Olives (my personal faves!) Mmm….
  1. The Wet-and-Wild Date! Getting wet and wild is always fun, and helps rekindle that playful side that may often get stifled in times of stress throughout the year. Grab your man and take him to a pool, a beach, a lake or a nearby water-park, and just spend the day frolicking and playing under the hot sun.
  1. Wild Road-Trip it. When’s the last time you rent anywhere new and random? GO somewhere – anywhere! And make it somewhere at least 3 hours away so you can enjoy bonding with your hubby and create some memories while driving. The more random a place you choose, the more fun memories you’re likely to create. Try not to plan it too much, leave any work stuffiness at home, and keep it spontaneous and surprising. And hey, get in a little trouble while you’re at it.

  1. Host an Island-Themed Summer Soiree! Make a date in your own backyard by inviting some friends and couples over, make some tropical fruity cocktails and appetizers and set up some Tiki torches and you’ve got yourself a perfectly fun and romantic evening or afternoon of playtime .
  1. The Live Music Date. Summer’s the time for outdoor concerts, festivals and live music galore. Checking out some sweet live music with your sweetie makes for a perfect low-budget Summer date, so get out there and enjoy them while the weather’s warm and the mood is right.
  1. Couples Camping Trip. Who says you have to stay in a 4-Star hotel to have a fabulously romantic time? There’s nothing sexier than being holed up inside a cozy tent with your lover, out in the middle of nature, with him keeping you warm and making a fire for you (and doing all those primal ‘manly’ things like hunting and fishing for you.) Get a sitter and plan a “couples-only” camping trip with you and another couple or two and get seductively inspired by the nature around you. Preferably go somewhere next to a lake so you can do a little midnight skinny-dipping!

Let me know what you think of these and if you end up trying any of em!

With Love, DeAnna

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DeAnnas Dating Blog

The #1 Romance Resolution you need to make!

ist2_4127577-close-up-of-a-young-couple-lovingThe Most Important New Year’s Resolution for your Relationship!

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution you need to make that will Transform your Relationship this Year

Most people who know or follow me know that I am very open about my family life growing up, the divorces I went through as a child and my mother’s three marriages, and how all those events and experiences have cultivated my gift of understanding relationships and led me to create my career as a Dating & Relationship Coach.  My experiences have inspired many blogs and articles about how to create successful and lasting relationships and prevent relationship failure, and there will of course be many still to come. But if I can sum up all the factors that make the difference between a happy, healthy relationship that succeeds and lasts, and one that fizzles and fails, I would say that one of the biggest secrets by far is… ROMANCE. Making Romance a priority, and keeping it alive – amidst kids, careers, and no matter how crazy your lives and schedules are. Listen to me when I tell you to NEVER underestimate the significance and power of romance.

So, the MOST IMPORTANT New Year’s resolution I want you guys to make this year – and really stick to – is the resolution to put effort into the romance of your relationship. A relationship needs romance to not only survive, but to thrive. Romance is the fuel for the fire of your relationship!

Romance is what brought you guys together and what inspired you to marry. If your relationship is in trouble, is stagnating, or isn’t quite what it could be or what it used to be, then ask yourself how the romance is currently in your relationship…and the answer will dictate where the problem lies.

Putting effort into romance means dressing up frequently for your partner and putting EFFORT into your appearance. What do you look like when your partner comes home from work? Ask yourself honestly; have you let yourself go since marrying or committing to your partner? Have you put on weight, stopped dressing up or stopped putting effort into your hair or appearance? Have you gotten too comfortable with your partner; stopped shaving, putting face masks on in front of them, going to the bathroom in front of them?

You want your partner to roll over in the morning and look at you and be THANKFUL that they choose YOU, every…single… day! You don’t want them to think, “Geez, I didn’t expect her/him to look like THIS after a few years,” or have regrets because you look different than when you first married. Your partner was initially attracted to you because you looked a certain way. If you look different now than when you did when they first met you, then you can’t expect them to feel the same level of attraction towards you. If you’ve put on weight since the beginning of the relationship, make a commitment to start losing it and getting back into shape. Turn back into the woman (or man) that they first fell in love with!

Putting effort into romance means creating excitement and stimulation in the relationship! It can be so easy to slip into a routine and fall into predictability. So it is your RESPONSIBILITY to keep the relationship EXCITING for both of you. What are you currently doing to create excitement?

SURPRISE your partner with random gifts and notes and things, such as leaving a random rose on their windshield before they leave for work, or put chocolate kisses in their pocket or purse. Create anticipation and sexual tension by exchanging sexy test messages or emails throughout the day. Greet your partner in high-heels and lingerie and their favorite beverage when they arrive home. Create and act out fantasies with your partner. Try having sex in a position or a new place other than your bed for Pete’s sake.

A relationship needs ongoing sexual stimulation in order to sustain the attraction, and men especially need a high level of novelty and fantasy in their relationship or else their attraction begins to fade with their wife or girlfriend and their eyes start looking elsewhere. So ladies, it is especially crucial that you constantly maintain this and keep them stimulated! If you don’t put effort into keeping things fresh and novel, you are likely to drift into feeling like you’re roommates rather than lovers.

Putting effort into the romance also means making TIME for the romance and making it a priority. Let me make a correction, I mean making it one of your very TOP priorities, right up there with finances and children… Not one that you shuffle down to the bottom of the list whenever something else pops up. You NEED to make your romance a necessity, a priority.

You can’t expect a flower to live and grow unless you nurture and care for it every day. You have to nurture your romance every day – not just when you have time, or once a week. No matter how busy you get, spend at least 30 minutes a day connecting alone. If that means closing th3e bedroom doors when the kids are home, do it. Kiss your partner – like you mean it – at least once a day. Better yet, put aside at least 10 minutes of ‘Make-Out Time’ every day, and stick to it. Don’t go through the day without looking in your partners eyes and genuinely connecting. Really think about who that person is that you’re looking at, and why you love them so much. Who is this person that you’re living with? Who is this person that’s such a big part of your life? You need to remind yourself and each other each day why you chose each other and why you love each other or your connection will gradually begin fading and you’ll wake up one day and feel like you’re living with a stranger. Connect and feel your partner’s energy every day.

So please, if there’s one New Year’s resolution that you make and stick to this year of 2010, please, please make me happy and let me sleep at night by making a solemn promise to make romance a priority in your relationship or marriage. Make the resolution to put daily effort into the romance of your relationship this year – no excuses. And by the end of next year, I want you to report back to me and tell me what happens. I guarantee you will have a transformed relationship and you will be thanking me – and yourself- for doing it!

**Need any help, Coaching or Ideas for rejuvenating the romance and novelty in your relationship or marriage? Contact me to inquire about my custom Relationship or Marriage Coaching for couples, or better yet sign up for my 2-Day Relationship Breakthrough Sessions which are designed to transform, strengthen and Rejuvenate your relationship or marriage or SAVE a relationship that’s in trouble or stagnating!

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