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#ManCrushMonday tips: 2 Ways to be IRRESISTIBLE to Men!

Happy #ManCrushMonday! Ladies… what Man are you crushing on today? And why? It’s a great day to acknowledge the things you love about Men, and the men you love in your life. And if you’re single, make this your day to take action on attracting your man crush or a new crush and forward it into a relationship. Every Monday from today onwards I’ll be sharing some wisdom & quick strategies for you to help you attract and keep your Mr. Right, pronto.

And if you want further personal coaching on how to attract – and keep – your dream man, as a special gift to encourage your success with men, I am offering all of my Instant Man Advice coaching’ sessions and Psychic Love Readings at 50% OFF if you book them on Mondays. Just share one of my tips on Facebook or Twitter using hashtag #ManCrushMondays to share the love. Woohoo, Cheers to you and other amazing, love-worthy women around the world landing the epic relationship of your dreams!

And now, check out today’s video to learn 2 Easy Ways to make you Irresistible to Men.  And this is especially speaking to women who are successful, strong and fierce (like me), who sometimes wonder if they may be intimidating the men they want. 🙂 Go try these out with men this week, and let me know how it goes! 

*If you want to book a personal Coaching consultation with me (via Skype or phone) to discuss the current state of your love life and see if one of my proven coaching or matchmaking services will get you on the right track, submit this Dating Needs Assessment form, and we’ll schedule your call promptly!
Love,
DeAnna Lorraine xo

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The 411 on the Worldwide Epidemic of “Commitment-Phobes!”

pulling-hair-outDoes anyone want to commit these days?!

Have you felt like this woman in the picture before, after another prospect that you were excited about suddenly went MIA or fizzled out? I don’t know about you, but I’ve been finding in the last few years that the men (and women) these days have just been becoming more and more non-committal.

I thought at first that it was just an issue that was specific to San Diego (where I’m from), being that it is a huge tourist spot and melting pot of men and women who move there and find themselves on a constant “vacation mentality” mode of partying and casual hooking up.

But after working with more and more clients from different parts of the United States, the UK, Europe, Dubai and the U.A.E., and through much of my own traveling and dating experiences with men, I’ve realized that this is really a world-wide epidemic! I call it the “Commitment-phobic epidemic.” And it seems to be spreading exponentially among single men and women, everywhere.

And there’s another, related epidemic I’ve become aware of, which I call “The Grass is Greener Syndrome;” something I feel is largely the culprit for the Commitment Phobic epidemic. Basically, the fact that our society has become overwhelmed with “options” of people to date and be in relationships with.

Because of new technologies and the Internet, Online dating sites, Matchmaking and dating agencies, Facebook, etc., we have sooo may options now of potential partners, and the prospect of having just casual sex or hookups is right at our fingertips, and new options are constantly refreshing themselves as quickly as we can refresh our Internet browser.

It’s not longer good enough to just happen to meet a wonderful, kind person, who has great qualities, would make a suitable wife or husband, and who we are attracted to. Like how our parents and grand-parents did it back in the day. Now we meet a person like that and people think, “Wow they’re great! BUT… I wonder if I can find better out there… Hmmm, Let me go look and see what else is out there!”

It’s so messed up how we’ve become. And women, sadly, are really just as guilty of it as men are.

I’ve never in my life encountered so many little “relationships” that are short-lived, last a few weeks or a month or two, everything seems to be going great, and then it just fizzles out because someone loses interest or doesn’t end up wanting to commit to a “serious relationship.”

It is very frustrating to keep going through that over and over. And it can make even the most optimistic and hopeless romantic person start losing faith in true love. Even professional “dating experts” and Matchmakers are not safe from this epidemic. Myself included.

Peoples, it’s time to step up and commit! Do you really want to be a Playboy Bachelor or Bachelorette your whole life, dating hundreds of people or having countless hookups and nothing to show for it by the time you’re 80? No one person to actually share your life with, to experience real intimacy and depth with, and to create amazing memories and experiences with?

sex-and-the-city-post-it-noteDoesn’t dating and hooking up, hanging out at the bars or online dating sites all day trolling for women or men get boring after a while? It sure does for me.

Yes it is a risk to commit to someone, but you’re never going to know if that person is going to work out 100% because you have no crystal ball. But if you want the reward of true, lasting love and intimacy with a special person, isn’t it worth the “risk?”

If you keep trying to search for 100% perfection in a partner, all you’re going to get is 100% disappointment and loneliness. Because there is no perfect person. And you are not perfect either!

To illustrate this further, I have some incredible, high-quality, commitment-ready men who’ve hired me as their Matchmaker to help them find their future wife, and many of these men are over 40 years old with realistic criteria for their prospects, especially in terms of the woman’s age and looks. But sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to try to get a woman to just go out on a simple date with one of these great guys! And some of these woman are in their mid-40s, some of them never even married, and they are questioning me to death about “Is he good looking? Is he in good shape? Does he have a belly? (God forbid a man over 45 does not have a perfect 6-pack!)” And I’m thinking, REALLY?? You’re over 40, still single and never been married, and you’re going to be that picky over a man’s looks or other petty qualities and have me put so much effort trying to convince you just to go on a simple introduction??” It’s sheer madness!

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news to you ladies but when you’re past your late 30s and still unmarried, you’re no spring chicken anymore and you’re options are much slimmer than they are when you were in your prime 20s. You should be ecstatic that a quality man might be interested in you and you should happily give these men a chance!

And then many of these women will often have me practically chase them down to try to get them to fit the date into their crazy busy schedule, sometimes putting it off for weeks because they are “too busy with work” or what not. REALLY?? You’re so busy with work and life that you can’t even fit a damn 1-hour coffee date a man who could potentially be your Soulmate into your schedule?? If thats the case then no wonder why you’re still single! If you want to be married, you’ve got to make some room in your schedule for dating and a relationship or you’re future will be the 60-year-old spinster cat-lady.

You SAY you want to be married, you say you want to find love, but your actions are totally out of alignment with someone who’s truly committed to finding their Soulmate. These woman are unknowingly pushing love away and single-handedly sabotaging themselves.

You really do have to commit to the process of finding love and make it a priority if you want to be in your dream relationship. And you really have to commit to someone in order to experience their true selves anyway, and all their sides and colors. Their goods and their bads, and all their layers. And you won’t get that before you commit to them because they’re going to be on their best behavior and not fully be themselves.

Having one foot in and one foot out is only going to get you mediocre knowledge about a person and about your potential for a relationship.

I’m tired of short-lived relationships that fizzle out. Are you??

Cheers,
DeAnna 🙂

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Are you Frustrated with your Dating Results, And You can’t seem to meet any QUALITY People?

  • Are you tired of “LOSING” in your Dating & Love life?

  • Do you keep dating the “wrong” people, and winding up in the wrong, dead-end relationships?

  • Do you feel like you just can’t seem to find any “good,” HIGH-QUALITY people out there that you’re interested in –and the only ones that you ARE interested in aren’t interested in YOU?

  • Do your relationships with men just seem to fall FLAT – You start dating a good guy, you think everything is going great – but then he suddenly disappears, goes distant on you, or gives you the old “I really like you, BUT… I’m just not ready for a relationship or commitment right now…”

  • Do you seem to have a track record of women breaking up with you, cheating on you, or giving you the same old “You’re a nice guy BUT… I just want to be Friends” routine?

  • Does your lack of experience with the opposite sex hold you back and keep you from dating & from having successful romantic relationships?

  • OR, Do you think of yourself as an altogether pretty great catch who is smart, successful and attractive – but you just haven’t been able to find & attract that one amazing person who is a perfect match for you to spend the rest of your life with??

Well if any of this sounds like you at all, the end result is still the same – your dating & love life as it stands right now is not where you’d like it to be. You probably thought you’d be blissfully in the relationship of your dreams by now, or enjoying a delicious, passionate marriage with your Soulmate.

I understand how frustrating it feels being single and watching your friends get married and coupled off one by one, seeing other people around you in happy relationships, and feeling like your own love life is not making much progress and you’re starting to wonder if you ever will find love.

If you were given the chance, would you love to just want to cut through all the BS of dating and get yourself an amazing love life as quickly as possible? Well I want to help you finally start WINNING in your love life and get you the delicious dating life or dream relationship that you know you were meant to have! That, my friend is the stuff that makes life truly worth living.

My name is DeAnna Lorraine, I’m a Dating & Relationship Coach, and I solve your biggest problems with DATING & Relationships – And help you find “The One.”

Click HERE to Take the Free “Dating & Relationship Needs Assessment” & Sign up for your Complimentary 30-Minute Dating Strategy Call over the phone to discuss your current love life & learn more about my Date Coaching program for men or women looking to greatly enhance their Dating & Relationship Success.

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10 Secret Ingredients to a Successful Marriage

It’s Springtime and love is definitely in the air. Tis’ the season for lots of weddings and proposals, including a number of my clients and friends who have recently gotten engaged. So here’s some words of advice to help make your relationships as successful, loving and lasting as possible!

~By Relationship & Dating Coach DeAnna Lorraine

1.      Think of Marriage as an exciting Adventure…

Your attitude going into anything will dictate the outcome of it. If you go into marriage with a scared, pessimistic or cynical mindset as if marriage is a “doom,” or the attitude of “Omigosh, ONE person/penis/vagina for the rest of my life??” Then you’re going to feel deprived. Or the attitude of “So many marriages end in divorce now, how is mine going to be any different?” Then you’ll find ways to subconsciously sabotage your marriage – and solidify divorce as your fate. Marriage instead should be thought of as an incredible adventure, with a compatible partner in crime that you’ve chosen to be on this rollercoaster with. Your marriage will be a blast, if you go into it looking at it like that. Just buckle up and get excited for the ride, bumps, turns and all!

2.       Incorporate lots of Variety and a little Mystery.

Marriages need variety. I repeat, that is a NEED – not a want. Don’t let things drift off into the boring and predictable, neither inside nor outside the bedroom. Keep it spicy, Keep it fresh, and continuously add new things to your relationship. Not only should you make it a habit to regularly try new things as a couple, like taking a new class together, learning a foreign language together, or trying something new sexually, but you should also add variety to your own individual lives on a regular basis as well to keep things spicy and keep a little element of mystery alive. Plus you’ll have more to talk about when you’re together and your relationship will be richer.

3.       Give each other the gift of Space.

Just because your lives have merged and you live under the same roof doesn’t mean you have to BECOME one – and do everything together, all the time. You don’t have to merge your identity with your partner and be joined at the hip. Instead, it’s much healthier for the longevity of the relationship if you do keep some things separate, and give each other some regular space apart. For instance, you should encourage your partner to have a night out with just the boys or just the girls once a week or a few times a month, and you should do the same. It’s healthy to spend time with your friends solo. You should also set aside some time every week to do things just by yourself, so you can pursue your own interests or hobbies, or even just hang out alone and read a book or watch TV. This space apart gives you time to get back in touch with YOU and maintain that sense of who you are, and your independent time will enable you to continue your own personal growth, which will in turn give you even more to offer the relationship and keep you attractive and fresh in your partner’s eyes. Having time apart is also great because it allows you time to miss each other more and savor your time together rather than taking each other for granted or worse, feeling sick of each other. Heck you have your whole lives to spend with each other; No need to be needy!

4.       Keep up the Effort.

Pleeease… Don’t fall into the oh-so-common trap of assuming, “Great! Now that I finally nabbed this man/woman and the deal is sealed, I can finally relax…” (Aka “Let myself go”! ) Then you get real “comfortable” and start slacking little by little on your effort and physical appearance. You may have a baby or three and the 40lbs you gained are still sticking around 5 years later… And then you wonder why your partner starts to get wandering eyes? Well this goes for both men and women – just because the marriage starts does not mean the effort stops.

A partnership is a lifelong effort, and your attraction to each other can fade fast if you don’t put effort into keeping it up. Don’t take attraction for granted. If you start looking totally different then how you looked when your partner first fell in love with you, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that your partner may end up falling out of love with you. Of course your relationship should be much deeper than just physical appearances, but do not refuse to acknowledge that it is an important element, especially for men who in general tend to be more visual. Keep up your physical appearance throughout your marriage rather than use marriage as an excuse to slack off; stay in good shape and continue looking sexy for both your partner and yourself. Because when you’re feeling confident, sexy and good about yourself and your body, then your partner will. Dress up on your date nights and slip into something sexy when you get home. Be your partner’s fantasy and you won’t have to worry about someone else being theirs.

Keep up the effort in the romance department as well. Doing nice little things for each other shouldn’t stop. My 85-year old grandfather still romances my grandmother and surprises her all the time with little gifts, with flowers on occasion, with nice little things and romantic gestures that brighten up her day, and with his humor. Every year on their anniversary he serenades her with the song they danced to at their wedding 60 years ago.  She likewise enjoys doing the same kinds of gestures and surprises for him, and this mutual giving keeps the positive energy and attraction flowing between them through the years. But when you stop doing all the little things, when you stop putting effort into the romance, and when you stop putting effort into your attractiveness, you will stop getting that in return – and thus the demise of the relationship. So… Keep it up!

5.       Be Open-Minded.

As your marriage goes on you should continue to evolve and grow as individuals and as a partnership. The best way to continue taking your relationship to new heights is by being open-minded and adventurous and trying new things together as much as possible. Explore new fantasies with each other, dabble into new areas, and take on new hobbies and interests together. Take risks together and try things that challenge you and push yourselves outside your normal comfort zones. Be open to your partner’s ideas, fantasies, needs and desires, because believe me over the course of a lifetime together, you’ve got to expect that there’ll be some new ones popping up! But if you’re committed to satisfying each other then you’ll earn yourself an amazingly happy partner and a relationship that’s constantly reaching new heights. On the contrary, rigidity & closed-mindedness are great qualities to have if you’re striving for a short-lived, unsatisfying relationship.

6.       Remain Appreciative and don’t take things for granted.

Appreciation is one of the things that people seem to drop the fastest once they’re comfortably settled in a relationship, yet it’s one of the most important things to keep up. If your partner starts to feel unappreciated on a regular basis, they will quickly grow unhappy with the relationship. It’s not that hard to make your partner feel like a Queen or King. Praise them for their accomplishments and the way they make you feel, great “performances” and things they do in bed, and favors they do for you like fixing your tire or doing your laundry. As with everything else, you don’t want your praises to be over-done or contrived, and you can be creative about the way you express your appreciation to them too. A simple and genuine “Thank you” is great, but there are many other ways to express your appreciation for things that your partner does, from a passionate kiss to a gift or a note on their car, and that’s another thing that can add an element of fun to your relationship.

7.       Continue setting Inspiring mutual Goals together and for the family.

You’re either growing together or you’re growing apart, period. And the best way to ensure you’re growing together and having a blast along the way is by setting mutual goals with each other as well as for the family that you can work on each year, and celebrate when you achieve. For example, maybe you set a goal that in 1 year, you’ll both be masterful Salsa dancers; in 2 years, you will be able to buy a second home at the beach. Maybe in 3 years, you’ll be able to add on to your house, or in 5 years you’ll get to take the family on a month-long trip to Europe. Design your life and lay out your dreams together; there is no bigger aphrodisiac and bonding experience than the feeling of working for and reaching goals together. It’s a great way to continue deepening your respect for each other and falling back in love with your partner over and over again.

8.       Argue Constructively and Communicate.

All couples argue at some point, and arguing is necessary and healthy – as long as it’s constructive and healthy arguing. Sometimes couples have different styles of arguing, and if that’s the case, then you need to identify what your styles are and come up with a healthy strategy to deal with your arguments on the same page. The best way to kill a relationship is to argue in an abusive way that demeans the other person, or by not communicating at all. The “silent treatment” doesn’t achieve anything. Being mature adults means communicating in a calm and rational, loving way that seeks to understand your partner’s point of view and negotiate a resolution. It isn’t a war over who is right and who is wrong; it isn’t a battle to see who can demean or hurt the other person the most, and shouldn’t be a means of manipulation via cold war. Every problem is solved with (healthy) communication.

9.       Keep Touching and Kissing frequently, even in front of the kids.

Touching and kissing each other is mandatory in a marriage! This should be kept up even after you’re in wheelchairs. The longer you go without touching and kissing each other and the more space you have in-between, the more disconnected you will feel to your partner. The more frequently you touch and kiss each other the more bonded & connected you will feel, and the more sexual feelings you will have toward him/her. Touching and kissing is a natural and healthy act of relating, and shouldn’t just be kept behind closed doors or “away from the kids” either! In fact it is much healthier for your children to grow up seeing what a loving relationship looks like, and watching their parents being affectionate with each other sets up the perfect model for them to seek out healthy relationships for them in their future. Now making out like the plane is going down in front of your kids might be a tad inappropriate, but letting them see a rated-G version of it is actually good for them.

10.   Keep up the Sex.

Don’t let it die or get routine. I don’t need to go into much detail here, and although it should be a no-brainer, I see it all too often to not point out. When the sex dies, the relationship tends to die. Most couple’s love lives go through “ebbs and flows,” But generally speaking if it’s been more than 6 months since you’ve had sex, if you are sleeping in separate rooms, or you feel like you’re more like roommates rather than lovers – then there really is no relationship. Do whatever you can to stay passionate and sexual with each other, and you’ll have yourself the lifelong relationship of your dreams.

11.   *Bonus: Keep it FUN!

Avoid getting caught up in all the daily stressors of work, kids, money, mortgages, your life, and so on. Those are all elements that are just a part of life, but wallowing in the stress will only make things worse, especially your marriage. Aim to make your marriage as fun much as possible. If you feel yourselves slipping into a dull rut or you’re finding that you’re starting to bicker a lot, pull yourself out of it by doing something fun together. Take a little vacation, go to Disneyland, go to the movie theater and make out like teenagers, go to the beach and play, whatever you want but constantly bringing the FUN into your relationship will keep positive energy between you two and your family, and will be the key ingredient to longevity.

SHARE your Comments, Questions & Thoughts Below!

Deanna Lorraine is a San Diego Dating Coach

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