The blog I am writing for you today is not a typical one… I’m about to write something different than my usual dating & relationship
tips and strategies that I have for you. This time, it’s personal. I’m turning the spotlight around to me. So here’s the story…. In the last 6 years of me being a Dating & Relationship Coach professionally, I have had the spotlight on everyone else – I share stories about my clients, stories and questions that my readers or community members have asked me, or shared things that my friends are going through, or some dating experiences from my past and give strategies, tips and techniques. But I’ve been relatively private about my own love life and what I’m going through at the time, unless I’m talking to clients or close friends. I’ve always kept my own love life and relationship status at a bit of a distance and not shared too much to the public, and to you guys.
And the main reason why is that I’ve been afraid to. I was afraid that opening up about my own life and love experiences would open myself up for judgment or criticism from people. I was worried that it might make me look like less of an “Expert” if my love life wasn’t 110% perfect, all the time. I was worried that everything I did or shared with you would be scrutinized and if I made any “mistake” along the way or had any inevitable pitfalls or weird experiences of my own that people would judge me for it or make claims against my knowledge as a coach. For these reasons, I’ve been secretly afraid of being totally authentic and vulnerable with everyone.
But it’s been bothering me more and more because all I want to do is share everything with the world, share all my experiences, good and bad, and share my journey along the way because I think people can learn so much from my own experiences and my transparency. And, I’ve realized that I coach my clients on being totally authentic and I know that it takes authenticity and vulnerability in order for you to have a real, healthy and lasting relationship. You have to be okay with being a little vulnerable sometimes because if you’re always worried about protecting yourself and putting on a “perfect” front, you’ll never have a real, deep relationship with people but only superficial ones.
And I realized the same thing goes for being a coach like myself. I’ve gotta walk my talk here! If I’m teaching my clients that they need to be vulnerable and authentic, then I need to do the same thing or else I’m being a hypocrite. If I never share anything about my own life or only talk about it like it’s perfect, I’m doing really myself and my friends and followers a disservice because I’m keeping my connection with everyone at a more surface level and not being totally real.
Because the truth is, no human being is perfect, and I am not perfect either. Even though I’m a Coach and what people refer to as a Leader or “expert” in the field of dating and relationships, I may be more advanced in knowledge and development of this area than most average people are, but I am not perfect and I never will be (And I think perfection is kind of boring anyway). In the area of life and relationships especially, there is always more to learn and grow. You will never quite master anything. I read every dating, relationship and attraction-related book or piece of material I can get my hands on since I was a little girl and have gone through a ridiculous amount of training, but perhaps what’s contributed even more to my level of depth as a coach is my own experiences, which include both my successes and my downs.
I learn new lessons all the time about life and love and it’s through your own experiencing, experimenting and living that you gain the real knowledge and wins in life.
Because there’s just so much to learn. And as I’m sure you all know, love is not 100% guaranteed or predictable. And that’s why I haven’t shared much of my own love life in the past, because it’s the one thing no one, even a professional dating coach can entirely predict or control and no one has a crystal ball to see what it’s going to look like a year from now or 10 years from now, and God forbid I should make a mistake or have a bad experience in my dating or relationships and everyone were to see – oh the horror! “My life and love life has to be completely perfect, I’m a leader in the relationship industry so it has to be!” I used to think.
But the truth is that perfection isn’t real. If I keep my personal life private, then how do you know I’m really real? There are 3 things that I’m extremely committed to in this life; I’m committed to having to having an extraordinary life, having an incredible, lasting relationship (my true love), and making a positive difference in as many other people’s lives as possible to help THEM have extraordinary lives and relationships. I’ve realized over the years that this takes being authentic, intimate and also vulnerable.
I want you to see that I go through and have gone through the same kinds of things you’ve gone through. I’ve experienced tremendous love, loss, ups and downs, frustrations and major disappointments. I’ve broken hearts and have had my heart broken. I’ve been a player and I’ve also been played. I’ve had many relationships, some great and some bad, and they’ve all served a really important place in my own journey to finding true love because I’ve learned so much valuable stuff from each of them. I think each relationship you have is like adding on another degree to your Higher Education! I may be on a more advanced level in this area than many people, but I am on this journey too like you and I always will be.
So I want to totally share my own journey with you. And yes I’m going to be sharing both my ups AND my downs with you, as scary for me as that is. I realize it opens myself up to potentially more criticism, but it’s worth the risk for me to experience the reward of being totally authentic and honest. Nothing feels more liberating than feeling free to be self-expressed and straight-up, to truly be yourself, rather than a censored, buttoned-up version of yourself because that’s just not real (and not nearly as much fun!)
So there you have it, I’m opening up the doors & sharing my own journey with you. It’s time to “come out of the closet” so to speak (figuratively speaking, Lol). I hope you enjoy reading it and I hope through my stories I can in some way inspire you, enlighten you, connect with you or heck at least just entertain you!
Alrighty I’ll be posting again soon, much love and thanks for tuning in! 😉
Your Friend & Partner in Relationship success,